Went back to the house today to pick up some more things. I'm never going to be able to get all of my stuff out in a week and I have no where to put it. Clothes, shoes & fabric sewing machines, threads and paraphernalia 29 years worth of things. Anyway, when I went back there the house is sooooo hot and stuffy, because there is no air conditioning, He's always talking about the things he has done for me what about the things that he has done to me. between the heat and the hot flashes I couldn't stay in there.
How in the world am I going to get all that stuff out in 4 days?
Monday, September 20, 2010
I filed the divorce papers today. I never thought that I would say those words. I don't feel like I have a choice, he refuses to give me any money, except that whopping 100.00 a week. He's forcing my hand and I know that he is going to say that I rushed into it. How could I possibly just end our marriage like that, so quickly. He;s going to say that I didn't love him all these years If I could just end things like that
I wanted my marriage to work, I tried to make it work, tried so hard, over and over. And here we are
So today will be one of those days that I will never forget, just like my wedding day.
Driving to work this morning and I was listening to Chrisette Michele as I have for the last few weeks but for some reason I didn't feel like it today so I turned on the radio and I didn't feel like that either, I grabbed a CD, it didn't matter which one as I wasn't looking for anything particular and it was my gospel CD. One that I made just for myself. As I started listening to the music and letting it wash over me I started calling on Jesus to help me. I forgot how that music makes me feel, how it makes me want to reach out to HIM, lean on HIM, and hold on to HIM. In those moments I remembered who I am. I have to just keep remembering.
Right now I am forgetting.
I wanted my marriage to work, I tried to make it work, tried so hard, over and over. And here we are
So today will be one of those days that I will never forget, just like my wedding day.
Driving to work this morning and I was listening to Chrisette Michele as I have for the last few weeks but for some reason I didn't feel like it today so I turned on the radio and I didn't feel like that either, I grabbed a CD, it didn't matter which one as I wasn't looking for anything particular and it was my gospel CD. One that I made just for myself. As I started listening to the music and letting it wash over me I started calling on Jesus to help me. I forgot how that music makes me feel, how it makes me want to reach out to HIM, lean on HIM, and hold on to HIM. In those moments I remembered who I am. I have to just keep remembering.
Right now I am forgetting.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Just came from the house again and I have to go back tomorrow (I have a lot of stuff and it represents my life).
As sad as it is, I've already begun to accept that I don't live there anymore. I thought I would live there for the rest of my left. Moved around so much as a kid, I never wanted to move again, didn't think I had another move in me, but here I go. I would have thought I would have been bawling my eyes out, but I was ok, had a few moments but all and all I held up.
So not only has he taken my computer and memory card but he took the luggage and pictures from the photo box he gave me.
I WANT MY STUFF BACK!
As sad as it is, I've already begun to accept that I don't live there anymore. I thought I would live there for the rest of my left. Moved around so much as a kid, I never wanted to move again, didn't think I had another move in me, but here I go. I would have thought I would have been bawling my eyes out, but I was ok, had a few moments but all and all I held up.
So not only has he taken my computer and memory card but he took the luggage and pictures from the photo box he gave me.
I WANT MY STUFF BACK!
The beginning of the divorce
I'm starting this blog because I know I'm not the only one, but I'm the only one I know.
Please feel free to comment.
My marriage of 26 years is over. We built a family, we built a home, we built a life and now it's over. How do you tear down 25 years in 1 year. Seems impossible. I never thought that this would happen but for the last year the writing has been on the wall. I'm tired of being afraid of him, tiptoeing around everything, trying to keep the peace, being stalked and harassed constantly on a daily basis. waking in the morning or not sleeping at all, with my stomach hurting, hands shaking and heart racing because I don't know what he has in store for me. Not wanting to go home if he's there. So I finally left on Sept 5, 2010.
The police, of course had to be involved. Violence was involved. but I'm out!
What do I do next? What do I want? Where do I go.
I WANT FREE!
But how do I get it.
Ronnie
Please feel free to comment.
My marriage of 26 years is over. We built a family, we built a home, we built a life and now it's over. How do you tear down 25 years in 1 year. Seems impossible. I never thought that this would happen but for the last year the writing has been on the wall. I'm tired of being afraid of him, tiptoeing around everything, trying to keep the peace, being stalked and harassed constantly on a daily basis. waking in the morning or not sleeping at all, with my stomach hurting, hands shaking and heart racing because I don't know what he has in store for me. Not wanting to go home if he's there. So I finally left on Sept 5, 2010.
The police, of course had to be involved. Violence was involved. but I'm out!
What do I do next? What do I want? Where do I go.
I WANT FREE!
But how do I get it.
Ronnie
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